


I Am The Idiot With The Painted Face, In The Corner, Taking Up Space

by spellmanmanor



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Caligari Spell (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina), this is the saddest fic i've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:00:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29048043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spellmanmanor/pseuds/spellmanmanor
Summary: Zelda's thoughts and feelings during her time under the Caligari Spell.
Relationships: Faustus Blackwood & Zelda Spellman, Faustus Blackwood/Zelda Spellman
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	I Am The Idiot With The Painted Face, In The Corner, Taking Up Space

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: mentions of s*xual abuse. It's not graphic but it is mentioned so please do not read if that could trigger you in any way! 
> 
> This fic is inspired by the song 'Me and My Husband' by Mitski! I honestly think that song could have been written about Zelda and the Caligari Spell, it just fits the topic so perfectly! I highly recommend it <3

The reflection in the mirror was not Zelda Spellman.

Sure, it was her emerald green eyes staring at herself in the glass, it was her perfectly curled auburn hair that she was brushing, it was her perfectly painted lips that she was stretching into a too cheerful smile, but the woman in the mirror was not Zelda. 

She watched in the mirror as the doll-like person picked up the golden tube of rosy pink lipstick from the vanity table and began applying it to her lips once more, making sure there was not a smudge out of place as she pouted and smeared it on. Faustus had gifted her this lipstick during their honeymoon, telling her she was to only wear this shade from now on and had thrown out all of her beloved burgundys and maroons. 

The tinkly sound of her new music box’s sweet song filled the room from beside her, forcing her smile wider anytime it faltered and reminding her who and what she was now. Sometimes she thought her face was going to crack like an old porcelain doll from the amount of smiling she had done in the past couple of weeks, which really wouldn’t surprise her, since that’s all she really was now. A pretty little doll for her husband to pet and play with, only to banish into the deep dark corners of her mind when he was busy or bored with her. 

She watched the person in the mirror shake her head to rid of the thoughts in her brain, her curls bouncing. The spell didn’t like her having her own thoughts and she knew one day she would wake up completely mindless, and that terrified her. Her thoughts and memories were the only thing that reminded her of who she was. She was Zelda Spellman, the matriarch of the Spellman family and a powerful witch, she wasn’t whoever this pathetic, simpering woman who she saw in the reflection is. She was lucky that she was powerful, otherwise the spell would have stolen her own thoughts a long time ago. But then again, the reason she was under this spell in the first place was because she was too powerful for Faustus’ liking, so maybe she wasn’t lucky after all. 

The bedroom door behind her slowly creaked open and Faustus came sauntering into the room, a smile forming on his face when he laid eyes on his wife. “Zelda dearest, you’re looking perfectly pretty today! I was right that you would look much lovelier without those awfully restricting clothes you used to wear, wasn’t I?” He asked, a tone of threat in his question as he placed his rough hands on her shoulders. She smiled happily at him in the mirror.

“Yes husband.” The sickly sweet voice that had been bestowed on her said. Everytime she spoke she felt as if she was being spoon fed honey, it’s sickening taste filling every word, making her want to vomit. 

His eyes darkened as he bent slightly so his face was next to her’s, staring into the mirror with a look that filled Zelda with dread. “Is this pretty little get-up all for me, my sweet?” His arms came to wrap around her shoulders, trapping her in her seat. “Have you gotten all dolled up in this lovely dress to please your husband?” He sneered, pressing a hard kiss to her cheek. She continued smiling despite the tears that were gathering in her lifeless eyes. 

“Yes husband.” 

She had said those two words an awful lot over the past few weeks. She said them whenever he asked her a question. She said them whenever he ordered her to fetch him something or massage his shoulders. She said them whenever he pinned her to the huge, satin covered bed and forced her to… No. She would not think about that. She would not let him control her thoughts in the same way he controlled her body. She would not let him win. 

That’s what she told herself as she stared up at the ceiling, desperately trying to ignore everything that was happening to her body at the hands of the man who supposedly loved her. Her vision was blurred with tears that refused to fall, proving once more just how powerful the Caligari Spell truly is. She couldn’t even do the thing she had always found easiest. Cry. 

She felt the bed beside her dip as Faustus lay next to her, forcefully pulling her into his arms and stroking her now messy curls with his clammy hand. “I’m so proud of you, Lady Blackwood.” He whispered, pressing a hard kiss to her cheek. She hated how her heart still fluttered when he praised her, she hated that she still had feelings for him. She wanted to hate him. She wanted to despise him and scream and shout at him for everything he had done to her, but she couldn’t. Whether it was the spell or her own stupid feelings that made her feel like this, she could not bring herself to hate him, and that’s what hurt the most. 

She felt him let go of her and stand up. He walked over to the wardrobe and pulled out another new dress for her to wear. He placed it on the bed next to her, his sick smile still intact. “Make yourself pretty, Zelda dearest. We have a council meeting to attend.” He announced before walking out of the door, leaving her to follow his orders.

She once again sat in front of the mirror and smeared pink lipstick on her perfectly pouted lips. Her lifeless eyes had the shine of her trapped tears in front of them, reminding Zelda Spellman that she was, in fact, the person in the mirror. 

The reflection in the mirror is Lady Blackwood.

Lady Blackwood is Zelda Spellman. 

And maybe now, she thought, she just needed to accept that.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm very insecure about this fic because it's very different to the things I usually write so I would really appreciate any comments of support! Also please feel free to leave any requests! 
> 
> I'm planning on writing a follow up fic about when the Caligari Spell was broken, and Hilda and Zelda have a conversation about it, because I really wished that had been included in the show. I refuse to believe that Hilda would just ignore and forget what happened to her sister, there must have been some kind of conversation!


End file.
